Listen up Women: You Deserve to Feel Worthy
I have seen too many bright, competent, and ambitious women hold themselves back due to their own mental obstacle courses (aka self-limiting beliefs).
I have taught too many smart female university students who are ‘shy’ or ‘embarrassed’ to raise their hands and ask questions.
I have seen too many female colleagues ‘shy’ or ‘embarrassed’ to even ask about their salaries (let alone negotiate salaries) or ‘shy’ or ‘embarrassed’ to say NO to a task/job that really wasn’t their responsibility, or ‘shy’ or ‘embarrassed’ to voice their concerns in meetings.
I have too many female friends who did not apply for a job because they did not feel they were qualified enough, although they clearly were.
On the other hand, I have also seen too many women achieve enviable levels of professional success, but they were in a permanent state of stress and anxiety and on the brink of burnout.
The chronic disease - ‘Not Enoughness’
I’ve read enough research to know that, in general, women have lower levels of self-esteem and self-confidence than men. In fact, many of these women suffer from the chronic disease of ‘not enoughness.’ As a result, these women tend to define themselves and/or associate their self-worth with what (and how much) they do. Because of this, they do and do and do and do to the point of overwhelm to prove (most often, to themselves) that they are capable.
Is perfection black and white?
These women strive for perfection because they only feel satisfaction and pride when they do something perfectly. And the thing is, they have this black-or-white mentality of either it’s perfect or it’s a failure. Problem is, perfection is unattainable, so they are always setting themselves up for failure and this then affects their confidence and self-esteem … and they go round the loop again.
Because these women feel they are not enough, they seek external validation to fill the void of inadequacy. They work and achieve and over-achieve just to feel worthy. Their lack of confidence perpetuates their issues with assertiveness and setting boundaries (more likely to say ‘yes’ when they really want to say HELL NO which by the way leads to more overwhelm). They doubt themselves and their abilities often (hello there imposter syndrome!) and overthink situations. They engage in negative self-talk and are harsh with themselves when they make mistakes. They fear failure so much that they procrastinate (or don’t take action at all) because they would rather not do whatever challenging task is at hand, than to try and ‘fail’ … all of these make it hard for many ambitious women to fulfill their goals, and if they do dare, they will likely burn out.
You are better than this!
I was one of these women not that long ago … and while from a distance, I had ticked all the boxes of professional and personal goals (university professor, married, 2 kids, TEDx speaker), on the inside I was a ball of stress and anxiety. And it became unbearable for me when I noticed that some of these feelings were rubbing off on my kids. I realized after a lot of self-reflection, reading, podcasts etc... that I could attend all the stress management and time management workshops I wanted but they wouldn’t help me unless I worked on the core foundations of self-esteem and self-confidence, upon which everything else is built. And it was only after I accepted myself for who I am - with no titles, achievements, degrees, accolades - did I begin to grow and flourish from the inside out. I realized I am worthy. I have always been worthy. We are all worthy. I want
I want all you bright and beautiful women out there (because you are all bright and beautiful) to feel worthy as you are. And to grow and flourish from a place of worthiness.
Why?
